The Judge Report

“I’m sorry, Adelaide. I can not get married tonight.”
“Why not?”
“I have to go to a prayer meeting.”
“Nathan, that is the biggest lie you have ever told me!”
“I swear to you, it’s true!”
                – Guys and Dolls

This morning I drove up to East Syracuse to attend a breakfast meeting of about 85 Catholic women.  Chaste Catholic women.  Learning how to be chaster.  Really.

Until the priest arrived, I was the only male.  By and by a teenage bus boy popped his head in periodically, but that was it. 

The occasion was an address by the remarkable Dawn Eden, with whom I have been exchanging emails and blog comments for the last two and a half years, mostly on her esteemed blog, The Dawn Patrol.

Shortly after I discovered her blog, I sent her an old piece I had written on Thomas More and the tough decisions judges sometimes face.  Minutes later it was on The Dawn Patrol and in a brief exchange she encouraged me to start my own blog, and then when I hit a slow period she pushed me to start it up again and keep it going.

It was a crazy period in her life.  She had just been fired by the New York Post on the eve of what is arguably her greatest front page headline, acknowledging the latest marriage of The Donald with LADY IS A TRUMP.  She had put her first tentative toes on the bridge to Rome, having spent a few protestant years after a lifetime of living as an agnostic unchaste Reform Jew.

She landed on her feet, of course, took a job with the Daily News, wrote a book, The Thrill of the Chaste, now in its sixth printing, and has been on a whirlwind lecture tour on two continents for the last year, recently taking a position with the Cardinal Newman Society in Washington.

I had thought of driving to Worcester a couple of weeks ago to see her speak at the Bishop’s request, but the City Hall boiler blew and we had an emergency meeting of the Common Council that same night.  Over the years she has suggested getting together with Mary and me when we are in New York, but it never lined up.  I’ve seen her on television, listened to her on the radio, seen her in numerous video clips and exchanged dozens of correspondences, but we had never met.

Until today.

******

“You know, you look like a judge! I didn’t recognize you without your baseball cap.”

Yeah, I guess I don’t actually look like a judge in that picture, though I was. Now, almost seven years later, finally I look like a judge and I’m not.

*******

The presentation was sensational and well-received by a mesmerized audience.  I have seen the earlier clips from the tour, and it is amazing how much more polished she is now: relaxed and yet brimming with enthusiasm the whole time. She is in near constant motion and if I didn’t know better I’d suggest a strong Italian streak in her gestures [NOTE TO SAM ZURLO: THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE STEREOTYPICAL OR DEROGATORY].

I’ll have a second post on her speech after I have edited the video clips.  That’s how I got in.  Dawn convinced them that I was her official videographer.

********

Near the end, she talked about her conversion to Catholicism and how difficult it had been and how she had been helped and aided by the encouragement of her friends at The Dawn Patrol.

“And one of those people is here today.  His name is Robert N. Going, whom I met here today for the very first time, and I want to thank him.”

Well. Wow.

If only the tiniest part of what she said is true, at long last I’ll have something to say to The Lord if He should happen to bring up that other stuff.

*********

“Hi, Daddy.  What were you doing in Syracuse?”
“I went to a lecture, Anna.”
“What was it about?”
“Chastity.”
“Uh huh.  Chastity.”
“Chastity.”

Dawn Eden’s faith journey continues to amaze.

Her latest contribution relates the evolution of her relationship with Mary of Nazareth, from the off-putting arguments of well-meaning Catholics (from her protestant days) to an astoundingly deep and profound theological discussion of the union of Mary and the Holy Spirit.

We snagged a good one.

In the Spring of 1965 our eighth grade religion class began to discuss the various virtues associated with the Sacrament of Matrimony. Sister Anne Eugene was nothing if not systematic, so I was able to look ahead, count the number of kids in the row in front of me, and determine thereby which virtue I would be called upon to define within the next few minutes.

And then I turned pale.

Chastity.

Oh my God. Are we even supposed to know about this stuff yet? I mean, thanks to Billy Naple I knew something about the various structures and functions of the sexes, as well as he had been able to learn it from a cigarette-smoking thug on Wall Street hill. Billy had switched over to the public junior high school where apparently sex was all anybody ever talked about.

“Robert, chastity.”

And now I stood up and turned from ghostly pale to a deep shade of red.

“Purity?” I mumbled.

“Yes, that’s good. Now, boys and girls, chastity may seem like a strange thing to be associated with married people, but in the context of marriage . . .”

Keep going, Sister. That’s it. You do all the talking and I’ll look like I’m listening thoughtfully and then when nobody notices I’ll quietly take my seat and the next thing you know Mary Petruccione will be busy discussing patience. That’s a nice virtue. Why couldn’t I get patience?

*********

Forty something years later, and now my friend Dawn Eden, who wasn’t even born at the time, brings up the same topic again in her wonderful new book, The Thrill of the Chaste, Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On. In the course of this practical guide (aimed primarily at young women, but with nuggets of wisdom available for all) on how to exercise and develop this mostly-forgotten virtue , Dawn manages to bare her whole sordid pre-chastity lifestyle and examine the very depths of her soul. She’s not afraid to call sin sin and she doesn’t remotely excuse her old behavior, though, in an odd sort of way she seems totally comfortable with it, in the sense that she knows she is forgiven, she is firmly resolved not to relapse, and can use her own bad example to accomplish good.

We corresponded a bit while the book was in its preparatory stages. A lot of the themes [NEVER use "a lot" in your writing, Robert!- Sister Monica Agnes] and several of the anecdotes opened out of town at her blog, The Dawn Patrol, where I’ve been a regular hanger-on for a couple of years. I advised her privately that there is a very fine line between giving testimony (a la the Mission scene in Guys and Dolls) and BRAGGING. I’ve heard many a sinner confess his sins publicly in a way that made me wonder whether there wasn’t just a hint of pride in accomplishment there. I rather think I have been guilty of that myself from time to time (I’m proud to say).

Dawn heeded my warning and walks the line beautifully and brilliantly. While this is primarily a deeply thoughtful, well-researched and theologically uplifting book, interwoven throughout is her personal story and especially her spiritual journey which is startling and extraordinary.

Most of us are able to get through life, I think, reasonably comfortable with our relationship with God and don’t bother asking too much of Him, and, for the most part He only seems to seek ordinary things from us. But every once in a while, He takes a real good sinner, clobbers them over the head, slaps them silly and says, “WAKE UP! I’ve got a job for you!” and that, I think, is where prophets come from.

And that is how He took an agnostic Jew from a broken home who lived as the culture demanded and slept where her cravings directed and turned her into an Apostle to the young directionless women of the new century. How is this possible?

First, He introduces her to His Son and despite all the cultural pressures to the contrary, she accepts Him with ease and from that point on she manages to adjust every aspect of her life into His Will. Just like that.

Then, He has His angels whisper in a few ears and rearranges her reasonably settled life in quirky new ways. Several months of unemployment (this is about where I wandered in) lead her to even deeper thoughts and richer writing, and unintimidated proclamations of right and wrong.

Joy and peace run between the lines on every page. So do hip, sassy, straight-forward, and no holds barred. She speaks a message that is clear, honest and secure in herself, and one that will resonate, I think, with anyone (i.e. nearly everyone) who has ever felt that pang of loneliness and emptiness that comes from sexual encounters that are aimed at self-gratification instead of spiritual, emotional and mutual enrichment.

And, as is to be expected from Dawn Eden, it’s a good read on any level.

When I first saw Scott Ott’s moving satirical video, Zawahiri Christmas Greeting, I emailed Dawn and asked her if it was really any more ridiculous than her own life story.

The Power of God, what we sometimes call Grace, can do some pretty amazing things.

**********

A brief aside: Dawn repeatedly points out her personal faith that God will choose her mate if she is to have one. Is she sincere? I’ll say.

First she lets us know the combination of features which appeal to her: witty, charming, intelligent, well-read, virtuous, etc. AND THEN proceeds to explain to all the single women of America where to find such men!

Like, hey Dawn, KNOCK KNOCK, how many of those guys do you think are out there, and you’re giving them away to the next sweet young thing who buys your book?

That’s FAITH.